An update – hurrah

So its been a while gang (can I call you gang? Who reads this anyhow, not like you are going to start an uprising) so some bitesized newsbits that I’ve seen that have either annoyed me or humoured me. Enjoy.

• Google Maps Street View:

Wow…so new stalker tech was unveiled recently. So now – see your tweets on twitter, put your name into facebook, bebo, myspace, linked in (one of them you have bound to forgotten not to include you address on) put it into AA Route Planner, then Google Street View – and after all this hard work (prob about 20mins) will be able to start tossing myself silly over your front door. Is this necessary?

• The Cadburys Easter Bunny ad-boards:

So she is back, though this time trying to be a bit cooler and a bit sexier eh?. I know your game and I won’t buy your chocolate. This time her furry bit (easy now) looks like its meant to be a corset or some nonsense. They should make all products have sexy stuff. Freddo the frog could have a hard on…

• New Phones having awful battery life:

So they don’t make batteries like they used to. Mine lasts about 30min after a chat. Good. Thanks Sony Ericsson. Where’s an Eighties Brick when you need one…

• No I do not want a free paper:

I will stick my arm out if I do. And if I catch the one guy who tried (and very nearly succeeded) in tripping me up, I will fight you. Old school rules. Fisticuffs. You have been warned. Douche bag.

• Personal Trainers want to destroy your mind and body:

Probably my fault for being harrassed by a ‘girl-one’ in fitness first. Nothing says cool, like being handed the smallest weights available, and being told

“You must be able to do these?” – thanks.

• Out of Office emails saying they are in San Francisco:

Just ‘Out of the Office and will respond to your email when I return’ is fine.

• Finally, Spacebat:

Possibly the only good news of this month.  Here is the original story

And a video dedicated to him

Think that has pretty much covered this month. Am sure there is more, and might go into detail if needed. I know more stuff has gone on, the world economy, comic relief,  a penis drawn on a roof of a house, etc. Will try and update this more, honest.

Twitter eh – What is it?…

So joining Twitter…what’s it all about? Everyone is talking about it…all the celebs, A to D list. You can follow these folk and normies too. So being a bit of a techno junkie person thingy, I thought best check it out.

My findings?

You just comment on it…and follow people…and I think you can reply to other peoples messages. But that seems it.

All the celebs seem to ‘Twit’ about gossip, who is doing what and who has just left a massive floater in the little girls room.

Ok so made the last one up.

But that really is the most exciting thing I can think of to do with it. The normy twits are no better…though its more about lol’ing at things on the bus. Hehe

Still I’ll keep at it…if you want to follow me, think its called ‘twatting’ someone…then I’m MrBennF

Should have some juicy gossip later tonight! Exciting!

Why don’t you join casual reader! Just put it into the google thing! Go on! We can go around twatting people like complete twits…

The nightmare of the fox

So I’m watching TV last night and the worst thing that could ever happen does infact happen. For me its watching anything, could be a program, could be an ad, could be the news, its up to you. What happens is the thing you just saw on the screen gets ingrained into your memory, then your dreams, slowly morphing into a nightmare you cannot get rid of.

I direct your attention to the latest advert for Foxy Bingo…featuring a weird CGI/Human dancing fox which dances on screen. I say dancing – its more like vulgar thrusting – at least in my dream anyhow…

I don’t like seeing these weird CGI animals on tele, there is one for Haze with a weird family of animals, none of whom are actually related. The mum is a penguin and the dad is a bear…now where did they meet and worryingly then get it on to produce turtles as children? Also that bloody meerkat prick…

Anyhow, back to the scary fox. In the dream I’m causually dancing in a night club (those who know me will know that I opt for the finger dance) when this tall freakish fox in a purple saturday night fever outfit turns up and offers me a drink. Stangely I accept, only to find it out that after time flashes forward a few hours, it turns out that he put fox rohypnol in the shandy and I’m now being assaulted by the fox and Davina from big brother (don’t ask).

So…good…cannot watch that advert again ever without fear that I will suddenly shout out, scream or just cry during it. I also cannot drink shandy anymore and refuse to buy Haze products (think they might be called Glade now).

More people should be worried about this than the credit crunch. Anyone got a advert/tv related dream/nightmare they want to share with the group? Come guys its ok to talk about it here…honest.

Also it has been snowing, just incase you hadn’t noticed.

The end of the world

Just seen an advert for  Coronation Street movie-straight-to-dvd-job…

Coronation Street: Out of Africa

Pretty sure Nostradamus said the world would end after this happens.

Merry Christmas!

Doodling, Clicking and Nonsense

These days its very important to bring something to the group or to society as a whole. For some, this may take the form of appearing on TV shoving a wine bottle up your vagina.  It may even take the form of asking to be put in a jungle with a load of d-list celebs and then being filmed eating animal balls. It could be something important and vital to the world; like being a teacher, doctor or videogames tester. These jobs are hard to make fun of, as they are all noble professions.

Of course you could choose to work in advertising and be responsible for the worst shit I’ve seen plastered on TV and any available billboard.

Why this pop at the advertisers? I think I may have found the top three stupidest, most inane advertising campaigns from 2008. That’s why.

First up is from Jameson Whiskey and can usually be seen on any advertising billboard along the metropolitan line. Like with most alcoholic beverages, the advert is aimed at us, the proles, having a good time. What sets this advert apart from the rest is its view on having a good time. There are two different ones that I have seen; first is a man with a clenched fist under his chin…and on this fist is the doodle of the body of a stick man. So it looks like he has a big head I guess? And the second is a variation, but using just a finger under the nose and a squiggle drawn on to look like a moustache. So it looks like he has a moustache I guess?

For my next birthday bash I need to get these guys to turn up, otherwise its going to be well shit…

The next campaign takes the form of some ponce just clicking…and then stuff happening…the advertisers failed to successfully advertise on this one because I don’t actually know the name of the product…just know its some kind of male stink in a bottle. Anyhow, this twat just walks around everywhere clicking, like the rudest restaurant patron in history. Click – that girl finds him attractive. Click – now he’s probably slept with her. Click – now they both have some kind of STD. That all happens in the advert…idiot

Last, but by no means least, is the Chanel advert starring Nicole Kidman. This advert takes the form of a story. It starts with Nicole being hassled by the ‘paps and escaping to the nearest taxi. Lo and behold, by chance, a male catalogue model also tries to get in. This seems to be love at first sight and they drive off. They arrive at his place…and move to roof  where she prances around a bit and they embrace and yardada yardada. Seems this relationship is going nowhere as a radio broadcast playing in the background states that this “famous” actress is now missing, presumed dead or something. So she has to return to her lifestyle as the “famous” actress and he just goes back to…standing on rocks, pointing and wearing the latest fashions. Many reasons for thinking this is a crap ad. The chances of that happening are slim to none, I don’t fancy Nicole Kidman at all, and the last line about only remembering her perfume. Ladies, no guy you ever meet will ever say that the best he remembers about you would be your smell. Fact.

Welcome to the 21st Century – No internet, no power

So I’ve just been able to reconnect to the internet again. It’s amazing how much you take much of the technology from the 21st century for granted. You have to actually watch the news to see whats going on…none of this 24hr, hit F5, news info fix I’m used to. If you want to find a number of a pizza place, you actually have to look it up in this big yellow book that usually is propping open the doors in my flat. Route planners require use of a map…blah blah blah, you can see what I’m getting at.

Its the same when your area gets a powercut late at night. You may have been up watching the finale of that great film on DVD that might star a digital panda and then ‘clink’ everything goes out…you are now reliant on using your phone backlight to try and find your way out of the darkness, knees crashing into every suddenly at knee height, though you don’t actually remember tables being there…pieces of Lego jamming into your feet, even though you haven’t owned Lego since you were nine…and after checking and reseting the fuses, also in a dark place under the stairs, you realise your efforts were futile as the whole street is out.

Brilliant.

Now you have to try and find things to do until you fall asleep, as all this excitement and the pain of the Lego will keep you up for at least an hour. You can’t read as there is no light and lets be honest, who has candles these days. Your iPod has died, since you bought the 2nd generation with the shite battery life and you refuse to get the new one until it does actually break. You realise you need the loo, but that’s going to be like, well, pissing in the dark really…so all you can really do is nothing. You can’t even play Connect 4…

So, in a sense, 21st century…how far have we come?

In other news, Alan Johnson from Peep show is one of the few survivors of some kind of cold/flu disaster. Best news I’ve heard….ever

Food – Hallowe’en

It’s that time of year again. Grotesque masks, pranks, harmless (probably?) trick or treating, all to celebrate a pagan festival! I don’t like it! I always thought that knocking on the front door in scary outfits came from the other side of the pond, and have gone on record as saying it should have stayed there!
Hallowe’en ,(or All Hallows Eve) is believed to have originated from the ancient Celtic festival, Samhain, which marked the beginning of the season of “cold and darkness” or winter. The Celtic new year starts on November 1st , and they believed that evil spirits came with these long dark nights, and were most likely to be seen on the night before as the barrier between the “season of the sun” and winter was at it’s weakest. The Celts celebrated with feasts and dancing around bonfires, which were to scare these spirits away, the original Hallowe’en party! The “jack-o-lantern”, these days made from a hollowed out pumpkin, were named after a miserly man called Jack, who according to an Irish legend, could not go to heaven, because of his meanness, nor hell, because he had played jokes on the devil! Instead, he had to walk the earth with a lantern, until Judgment Day!
Now, not wishing to appear a party pooper, I realize that this provides an excuse to have events, bonfire parties and the like, so it would be entirely appropriate to do a recipe using the flesh of the pumpkin, to make a suitable meal to go with the party. Just don’t invite me!

Pumpkin and Sage Risotto
This makes enough for 8, but multiply the amounts for bigger parties.
2 medium sized onions, finely chopped
1 ltr chicken or vegetable stock
20 sage leaves, roughly chopped
500g pumpkin flesh, cut into small dice
3 tbsp olive oil
75g butter
400g Arborio rice
Fresh parmesan to grate over
Cook the onion gently in the oil for a few minutes, without colour. Add the sage, and stir well. Now add the rice, and cook gently over a low heat to cover all the grains with the oil. Add a quarter of the hot stock, and stir continuously for 5 minutes, until the stock is absorbed. Add the pumpkin, and half the remaining stock, and stir until absorbed. Continue by adding the remaining stock, a little at a time. You may not need all the stock, or you may possibly need to add more, but this could just be hot water at this stage. The rice should have a creamy texture when ready, but still have a little crunch. At this stage, stir in the butter, and season to taste, then serve, with the cheese grated over the top. The more adventurous could garnish this with some crispy, deep fried sage leaves.

Article and recipe appear courtsey of Terry Farr 2008

Film – The Dark Knight

Christopher Nolan’s highly anticipated follow-up to the succesful reboot of the Batman franchise, Batman Begins, was always going to be overshadowed by the tragic death of one its stars, Heath Ledger. However, rather than affect the comfort of the viewer, the film provides a fitting tribute to a talented young actor, and probably the best example of his ability to captivate an audience.

The late Ledger stars as the villain of Nolan’s Heat-esque epic, The Joker, perhaps the most iconic of all of the caped crusaders adversaries. Not since Jack Nicholson’s spin on the character in Tim Burton’s Batman have we seen this larger than life character on the silver screen, and arguably we have never seen a better and more dangerous portrayal. Ledger loses himself in the role, and prouduces the most watchable performance of 2008. Whilst The Joker is arguably the star of the film, the return of Christian Bale does not go unnoitced. Building on his excellent performance in Begins, the Welshman puts in a measured and moral depiction of both Bruce and the Dark Knight himself, as he struggles with The Joker’s hypnotic spin on morality and values. The two provide a superb match-up, fighting it out in most of many of the film’s superbly crafted action set-pieces (the Batmobile and truck chase is particularly gripping). Equally good are the supporting cast: Michael Caine is as charming as ever, returning as butler Alfred Pennyworth; Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces the unavailable Katie Holmes as Bruce’s love interest Rachel Dawes, and brings more integrity to the role; and the always excellent Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman return in fine form. Special mention however must go to an actor joining the sequel, Aaaron Eckhart, who plays Gotham’s mayor Harvey Dent. In a difficult role up against heavyweights such as Bale and Ledger, Eckhart is brilliantly understated as Dent, seen as the saviour of Gotham City, and the man to carry on the good deeds set up by Batman to keep the streets safe. His turn from protagonist to antagonist in the film’s latter half, is equally compelling, if ever so slighlty rushed in conception.

The narrative is very constructed in its long running time (152 minutes), drawing on influences from graphic novels such as Batman: Year One, which will please the hardcore followers. The previously mentioned action set-pieces are plentiful, but never detract from the story, but rather crucially further explain the characters’ motives. With such a high calibre ensemble cast, it could have been easy for Nolan to leave some characters feeling undernourished, and lost in the storm of the three-way clash for superiority, but the British director manages the opposite. An improved role for Commissioner Gordon (Oldman), a ballsier Rachel Dawes (Gyllenhaal) and even a brief re-appearance Of Cillian Murphy as the Scarecrow strengthen the impact of the film, whilst the decision to show no back-story about The Joker, instead portraying him as absolute, is a masterstroke.

Undoubtedly the film of the year so far, and arguably the greatest comic book movie of all time, The Dark Knight builds on the exemplary foundations set by Batman Begins, and provides us with one of the most titanic duels seen in blockbuster cinema. Nolan is man who for the past decade seems simply unable to make a sub-standard film, and his hot-streak continues here. And while the film arguably belongs to Ledger and his maniacal creation, the incredible box-office figures across the world suggest we haven’t seen the last of Bale and the Bat.

Written by Jamie Farr 22/10/2008

Game – STALKER: Clear Sky – PC

GSC Game World’s Stalker: Shadow of Chernobyl was the first game I have played by the Ukrainian developers. I’m sure they have several releases previous to this, but this seems to have been their first triple A title that has been released over here in the UK, thanks to the worldwide publisher THQ. After just spending stupid amounts of cash on a new PC, I was told that Stalker: SoC was a game I needed to play. And I have to admit it was a great experience playing through it. Clear Sky doesn’t require you to play the SoC, as its a stand alone prequel you see, though it makes a lot more sense if you have played…or at least it tries to.

Trying not to give away too much of the first game, in Clear Sky you play a Mercenary hunting a STALKER, who is causing havoc in the Zone. Stalkers are essentially artifact hunters and the Zone is a fictional version of the Zone of Alienation found around the Chernobyl Power plant. The area is modelled around the actual power plant and surrounding areas like Pripyat and the game takes place a bit further in the future after a second fictional explosion at the Reactor which has transformed the landscape.

The gameplay itself is a FPS with horror elements thrown in, a bit like F.E.A.R, but it has more atmosphere in my opinion. You’ll spend most of the game in the bleak zone, traversing back and forth completing quests which are quite RPG-ish in their nature, but its the sounds, the environment and the population of Stalker that make the game.

The best way to play it is at night (or in the dark) with headphones on (with the volume turned up a bit higher than normal) and no distractions. This way you can fully immerse yourself within the game. There are so many ambient sounds going on that you will miss if you just use your pc speakers and its these sounds that really add depth. The sound of bullets narrowly missing you, guns jamming, jokes in Ukrainian, campfire songs, howling mutated dogs, invisible monsters ambushing you, all make you feel that its actually happening to you yourself.

That’s what I would have said if I was doing a review of Shadow of Chernobyl. Clear Sky tries to recapture this magic of the first game, but seems to miss. The game doesn’t seem to bring you into it like the first one did. Sure the graphics have improved, the AI responds more realistically and will try to outsmart you, but for me good stories and immersion are more important to me, much like a good book or film.

There are great moments in this game however, though they tend to form around set pieces, mainly gun fights between different Clans. Pripyat is incredibly eerie and in general the Stalker IP is a great one. The game does have its fair share of bugs however, which does tend to spoil your enjoyment of the game, though I believe patches are on their way to fix the various issues. On my play through I found one with the last boss, which made it pathetically easy to kill…

In conclusion, I would suggest that anyone who has PC play Clear Sky, but would highly recommend that you play Shadow of Chernobyl first. And if you enjoy these titles, pick up ‘Roadside Picnic’ by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky, which the games are vaguely based on.

Uh oh, we’re in trouble

Turn on the news, and it hits you. The world is a pretty messed up place. Most recent piece of bad news to hit my tele is that the markets are crashing. And it will be getting worse before it gets better BBC tells me. We should look to our politicians to try and rescue us all from the debt the bank has accumulated the news reporter is saying. Yeah. They are the knights on horseback. They’ll save us. Or try to push through new legislation for the greater good that actually infringes on our rights/freedom.

If you have been fortunate enough to read Naomi Klein’s ‘The Shock Doctorine’ you will be aware that it is a powerul piece of non fiction that will change the way you view the world. As all good books should. Whats more alarming is that what is being described in the book, the theory behind the doctorine, is now happening with the the markets as we speak. If you haven’t read it yet, do pick it up quick, or at least check out www.naomiklein.org and see for yourself.

I say turn on the LHC and set all the dials to 11, bring on the black hole…that will fix the world won’t it?

A bit on US Politics now…

Haha

McCain has just walked out to the classic ‘Highway to the Dangerzone’ by Berlin. He’s gonna win, he’s an old version of Maverick from Top Gun…writing cheques his bank can’t cash…

Ahem.

Apologies for the ‘Shampoo’ reference in the title, think I blanked out when I wrote it in…